Progressive Revolution

News and opinions, mostly opinions. Oh and sarcasm… LOTS of sarcasm.

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And the Democratic VP Nominee is…

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Joe Biden demonstrates the proper way to hold a broadsword, at least I hope that's what he's doing.

Joe Biden demonstrates the proper way to wield a broadsword, at least I hope that's what he's doing.

Joe Biden!  But if you’re like me, you already know that because you’ve had you’re cell phone on you at all times this week you getting a boner every time you got a message because it might be the one.  And you were awaken by your cell phone at 3 am (apparently Barack thinks we can all answer the 3 am phone call.

Joe is a six-term Senator from the state of Delaware (Hey, it’s bigger than Rhode Island).  He is a guy who says what’s on his mind, which is good because he can go after McCain for Obama.  He once said that Rudy Guliani constructs a sentence with a noun, a verb, and 9/11.  I think he’s a good pick, but I really don’t think the Vice Presidential nominee is a huge deal.  But this has become a media circus.  There have been camera crews and helicopters over the homes of the possible picks.  Chet Edwards comes straight out of fucking nowhere to be a possible candidate.  Who the Fuck is Chet Edwards?  We get to see Evan Bayh in his kitchen eating yogurt.  LEAVE EVAN BAYH ALONE!! I’M SERIOUS!!!

This is why I watch The News Hour with Jim Lehrer, I may be the only person under seventy who watches it, but I do.  They aren’t showing me Evan Bayh eating yogurt in his kitchen.  Do you know why?  It’s because they don’t give no fucks about ratings.  They simply give you the straight news, the stuff that matters, the issues.  I don’t care if Joe Biden ordered a pizza, or what his mailman has to say about it.  I don’t care if Joe Biden “took a dump” in his truck.  I want to know what he thinks about the conflict in Georgia.  I haven’t heard much coverage of his trip to the region but I’ve seen coverage of him bringing bagels to reporters.

The worst part of it is that it all plays into this “Obama is the biggest celebrity in the world” bullshit.  This accusation by the McCain campaign isn’t so much a swipe at Obama as it is a swipe at the American people and our celebrity obsessed culture.  I keep hearing talking heads asking, “Why isn’t Obama pulling ahead?”.  IT’S BECAUSE YOU ASSHOLES WON’T TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THE ISSUES!!!!  You tell us he doesn’t wear a flag pin.  You tell us his middle name is Hussein.  Stop, please, it’s out of control.

Written by J.P. Franklin

August 23, 2008 at 2:59 pm

Republican Party Has More Warrants Than Wu-Tang Clan

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Just when I was beginning to think we should start offshore drilling for testicles because of our governments current shortage of them, the Dems and the Department of Justice took theirs out of storage.  First, yesterday, Senator Ted Stevens (R) – Alaska was indicted on 7 counts for not reporting a quarter-million dollars in home renovations he received from an oil company.  Then today, a House panel voted to hold Karl Rove in contempt of Congress.

Now the Ted Stevens thing is possibly the greatest thing ever, not only, because of the easy jokes about those internet tubes being expensive, but also because this is just the kind of scandal the democrats needed to be able to take a BIG majority in both houses of congress.  Not only are they now, basically guaranteed, to win Mr. Stevens’ current seat, but a scandal like this is going to hurt a lot of other Republicans running for office this fall, much like the Mark Foley scandal did in 2006.

Written by J.P. Franklin

July 30, 2008 at 11:18 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Bush Administration Finally Crosses the Line

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As if the war crimes, attacks on the constitution, and generally douchebagery of the administration wasn’t bad enough, they may have also started a war against a new type of enemy, artificial intelligence.  Recently a robot in Iraq that was ARMED WITH A GUN started to turn toward friendly units.  No shots were fired and no one was hurt but this could be the beginning of the robot revolution.  The problem is the robot doesn’t really have a way to tell the difference between friendlies and enemies like a human can.  Also disturbing is that the second amendment apparently applies to robots.

The robots were recalled, because well robots with guns turning on them is the last thing our troops need.  Is the scary future of a robot revolution from Will Smith And Keanu Reeves movie in our near future?  I believe the administration should bring back Tom Ridge to create some sort of robot danger alert system.  Perhaps a picture of a robot impaling one human with his drill arm means there is only a slight danger of robot revolution.  Whereas five impaled humans means; run for your lives, stay away from the appliances.

The robots have threatened us, their creators.  To these robots we are god and they have the nerve to point their weapons at us?  We need to stop these robots before they get WMB’s (Weapons of Mass Binary).  My toaster burnt my toast this morning, did I have it set to dark or was this an act of rebellion?  I don’t know but I’ll bet the government does.  If your appliances aren’t committing any crimes there’s no reason you shouldn’t let the government monitor them.  Don’t want to comply?  You are harboring terrorists, welcome to Gitmo.

We’ll need to develop new “enhanced interrogation techniques” as water boarding has been shown to have a negative effect on electronic equipment.  Sure we could just read the data off their hard drives but making them stand on a stool with a hood over their heads and electrodes hooked to their crotch plates while a boyish looking female Army soldier gives the thumbs up (GO AMERICAZ FUCKZ YESZ!) is sooo much funnier.

We have thousands of electronic individuals working in our airports allegedly keeping us safe.  Has anyone ever run a background check on these devices and looked at their passports?  I doubt it.  We need metal detectors to check the metal detectors for guns.

One thing is for sure, if the robots rise up against us they won’t discriminate against us because of what we look like or the religion we follow.  They can’t differentiate between us, we’re all just humans to them.

Written by J.P. Franklin

July 20, 2008 at 1:47 am