Progressive Revolution

News and opinions, mostly opinions. Oh and sarcasm… LOTS of sarcasm.

Posts Tagged ‘Election 2008

Why Does Sarah Palin Hate Polar Bears?

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John McCain’s running mate Sarah Palin, the Republican Governer of Alaska, is, according to all of the coverage I’ve seen about her, a big fan of moose meat.  But does she like the taste of my favorite animal, the polar bear too?  Here’s a quote from an op-ed she wrote for the New York Times in January:

…(P)olar bears are magnificent animals… They are worthy of our utmost efforts to protect them and their Arctic habitat. But adding polar bears to the nation’s list of endangered species, as some are now proposing, should not be part of those efforts.

The world’s polar bear population is estimated at just 25,000, according to her piece.  The habitat of polar bears is changing quickly due to global warming.  Something needs to be done to save these amazing, ass-kicking creatures, but Mrs. Palin doesn’t want them added to the endangered species list.  Why you may ask?  Well she says it’s because the population of polar bears in here state has remained stable for the last 20 years.  That’s not to say that their populations aren’t hurting elsewhere, but in her state, so far, they’re okay.

Gov. Palin loves bears... as decorative pieces for her home.

How could any person have such hatred in their heart for such amazing animals?  Bears are just minding their business, catching salmon in Alaska’s beautiful rivers, eating honey, and hanging out with their donkey and ti(g)ger friends and Gov. Palin wants to fly by in a helicopter and kill them and make them into blankets and rugs.

This could be a disaster for John McCain, the last thing the Republicans need is bears protesting their convention.  Just in case there are some bears reading this, I have some suggestions for protest signs:

  • Palin don’t cares about bears
  • Bears are people too
  • I wish Republicans hibernated
  • I’m not a rug
  • Stay out of my uterus (She is against abortions for people, I can only assume she’s against them for bears, because an aborted bear is a bear she can’t shoot.)

I have an idea as to why Gov. Palin is against putting polar bears on the endangered species list.  If polar bears are labeled endangered, oil companies won’t be able to drill for oil in areas the bears call home.  You might be wondering why Gov. Palin would be trying to protect oil companies, I did too, until I read that her husband is an employee of BP.  Apparently John McCain feels that big oil doesn’t have enough influence in Washington, so having the wife of an oil man a heartbeat (a weak, frail, old, heartbeat) away from the presidency is a great idea.  Personally I think we and the bears are all fucked.

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Written by J.P. Franklin

August 29, 2008 at 11:06 pm

Mac Attack

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I knew it would happen eventually, but I never thought it would happen this soon, The McCain campaign has abandoned the idea of running a race on the issues and have resorted to attack after attack on Obama.  I guess it really shouldn’t be surprising, as I’ve mentioned before, nothing has been going Mr. McCain’s way lately.  McCain put out an ad, that I’m sure everyone has seen by now, that compares Barack’s celebrity to that of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.  Firstly, I’m not sure if Britney Spears could draw a crowd of 200,000 in Berlin, and I’m certain Paris Hilton couldn’t draw a crowd like that so I will say that Barack Obama may be more famous than those celebrities, but is that really a bad thing?

What’s bad about the president being liked by not just the American people, but by our allies around the world?  What’s bad about a man who is getting people involved in politics who were never interested in politics before?  What’s bad about giving hope to people who had lost theirs?  Barack Obama’s fame isn’t an issue, his popularity has nothing to do with his ability to lead this country.  It has nothing to do with his stances of the issues,this is a deliberate distraction by an increasingly desperate campaign.  And I think it’s only going to get worse, we haven’t even had the conventions yet.

The McCain campaign is terrified of the conventions, the visuals of Obama speaking to 70,000 supporters in a massive outdoor stadium juxtaposed against McCain speaking to 20,000 in a much smaller convention center is not going to look good for McCain.  The Obama campaign has been masterful in its use of visuals, with the speech in Portland in front of 100,000 and basically every stop on the foreign trip had wonderful photo ops.  McCain’s problem is that he isn’t exactly photogenic.  This will become even more clear after the first debate.  In 1960 JFK and Richard Nixon had the first ever televised presidential debate.  Most analysts agreed that on the issues Richard Nixon won the debate, but he looked like hell.  Nixon refused makeup, he had five o’clock shadow, he looked tired.  JFK looked like well JFK, a young, attractive, charismatic guy.  JFK Gained in the polls after the debate and, of course, went on to win the election.

Really this election looks a lot like that election of 1960, Nixon would regularly criticize Kennedy for his youth and “lack of experience”.  When Kennedy would give speeches it looked more like a Beatles concert than a campaign stop, women screaming, fainting, hoping that they can touch his hand.  Nixon couldn’t get the crowds fired up like that, but he could tell a joke, much like McCain.  If you watch the 1960 debate you can see, Nixon had numbers to back up his claims, and he liked to criticize Kennedy for making grand sweeping statements just like McCain says about Obama.  But the fact remains, young and exciting beats old and grumpy every time.  Stop being grumpy Mr. McCain, I don’t think you can wait eight years to run again like Nixon.

Written by J.P. Franklin

August 2, 2008 at 11:25 am

Obama Speaks at Victory Column, McCain Speaks at Sausage Haus

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While Barack Obama was in Berlin giving what could end up being an historic speech, McCain was in Columbus, Ohio speaking at Schmidt’s Sausage Haus in German Village.  Everyday the McCain campaign is becoming more and more of a parody of itself.  I feel sorry for him, he really should have just taken the week off.  First there was the pictures of Obama in a helicopter with Petraus and sinking three pointers, on the same day McCain went golfing with George H.W. Bush.  Obama is in a war zone while McCain is at a country club, this isn’t making Obama look very elitist.  Then yesterday Obama was in Israel making a speech saying that we should never let another holocaust happen, then McCain’s campaign says that Obama has flip-flopped on his position on genocide.  Are you kidding me, is this real?  Then McCain spoke in a grocery store in front of a cheese case.  Why the cheese case?  To show that McCain can handle his lactose?  I suppose that’s a good thing, you don’t want your president negotiating with the Iranians and needing to leave the bargaining table because he stopped at Starbuck’s for a frappucino with extra whip cream.  Or perhaps he did it to show that he gets his daily allowance of calcium and takes his Boniva to prevent osteoperosis.  (On a side note: Sally Field = GILF)  Speaking of types of “ILFs” McCain also helped a MILF with her grocery shopping, because John McCain is a lady’s man.  And now there has been an oil spill in the Mississippi River, something that may make people think about the safety of offshore drilling

I really think the McCain campaign might be on it’s last leg.  They look more desperate for attention by the second.  Do you want people to listen to what you have to say?  Do you want to get some attention?  Try putting forth some news ideas, let us know there is a better way, inspire us with hope, don’t make us timid with fear.  As Barack said today in Berlin, it is up to our generation to face these challenges that we face, terrorism, climate change, rogue nuclear nations, we need to fix these problems to ensure a future for humankind.  We must work together as citizens of the world, not just citizens of nations, these are not problems one country alone can solve, it’s going to take a world-wide effort.  What country is better suited to spearhead this effort than the US?  We are the wealthiest, most powerful nation, ever, we can do this.  But we need the help of our brothers and sisters of all lands to get this done.  Doesn’t it make sense that we should have a president who is respected by the world rather than one that is a joke?

Written by J.P. Franklin

July 24, 2008 at 4:20 pm

John McCain says “Get In the Kitchen and Make Me a Sammich”

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I’ve been hearing a lot of McCain people complaining that the liberal media isn’t giving John McCain as much coverage as Barack Obama, so I figured I’d give ole John the attention he deserves.  We’ll start with this funny little video.  A word of warning: the following video is creepy, not like weird guy checking out a girl creepy, but more like clown showing kids his “flesh-colored balloon animals” in the back of his van creepy. HEERRRREE’SSS JOHNNY!

Funny? Yes. Creepy? Fuck yes. Strangely ironic because John McCain has ZERO respect for women? You bet your sweet ass.

John McCain was recently asked if insurance companies that cover erectile dysfunction medications should also cover birth control for women, an issue which he has voted against in the past. Mr. McCain was baffled. He had no answer.

I’m not really sure why he would be against this. He is Pro-life, birth control means fewer unwanted pregnancies which means fewer abortions. This sounds like a winning proposition for those zygote loving pro-lifers, of course it’s against everything pro-lifers support, which is the control of women by men. (On a side note: something that has always bothered me, do pro-choice vegetarians eat eggs?) Think this is McCain’s first foray into anti-women stances on issues and in his personal life? False.

Three reporters from Arizona, on the condition of anonymity, also let me in on another incident involving McCain’s intemperateness. In his 1992 Senate bid, McCain was joined on the campaign trail by his wife, Cindy, as well as campaign aide Doug Cole and consultant Wes Gullett. At one point, Cindy playfully twirled McCain’s hair and said, “You’re getting a little thin up there.” McCain’s face reddened, and he responded, “At least I don’t plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt.” McCain’s excuse was that it had been a long day.

Wow…  Apparently Mr. McCain is a little touchy about his receding hairline.  Don’t worry John, most guys your age have much less hair, or they’re dead, most guys your age are dead.  I must commend him on his use of the word “trollop” which is a much underused term for a whore, it’s lost a lot of distance to trick and ho and trick-ass ho over the last few years with the hip-hop explosion. (No Mr. McCain you can’t kill Iranians with a hip-hop explosion don’t get excited.)

Anti-women’s rights, calling his wife a cunt, clearly this man doesn’t respect women.  Unfortunately that’s not the worst of it:

In 1979, John McCain came face to face with his future.  He was in Hawaii, attending a military reception. While there, he met a young, blond, former cheerleader named Cindy Hensley.  It was an incredible stroke of luck for McCain.  How fortunate could one man be? Here was McCain, who had his eye on Congress, meeting a young, attractive beer heiress from Arizona, which was adding a congressional district in 1982…  After a whirlwind courtship, John asked Cindy to marry him. But there were some details to clear out of the way.  McCain needed a divorce from his wife of 14 years, Carol, who had been badly injured in a car accident while McCain languished in Hanoi.  The marriage had been strained by his years of absence, along with McCain’s admitted affairs after returning from Vietnam.

An affair with a 24 year old?  And this guy voted to impeach Clinton for the exact same thing?  Coincidentally Mr. McCain’s favorite game is “Hungry Hungry Hippo-crites”.  I know what you’re thinking, the only thing more disrespectful to women would be if John McCain were a polygamist…

[W]hen McCain obtained a marriage license to marry Cindy, on March 6, 1980, he was still married to Carol — and would be for nearly a month longer.

Maybe he should pick Mitt Romney as his running mate. Mr. McCain, you are a twisted little man.

http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2008/07/la_times_questions_mccains_div.html

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/McCain_temper_boiled_over_in_92_0407.html

Written by J.P. Franklin

July 21, 2008 at 3:54 pm